Meo's big night

Tonight was a really big night for my Meo! Robbie and I were reading him bed time stories, and after a while he laid on his bed (still a toddler mattress on the floor) and said "Mama milk" like he usually does. So Robbie said, "goodnight" and turned off the light as he left and I laid down beside Meo and nursed him for a minute or so. Since I don't have very much milk left, and he knows I don't like it when he pacifies anymore, he stopped once the milk was gone and rolled onto his back and said, "milk all done, go sleep". Now usually I just lay down beside him and either hug him, pat his back/hair, sing to him, and/or just be present until he falls asleep. Sometimes I have Robbie come in to take over if I am too uncomfortable to lay on the floor anymore. But tonight, after he said "milk all done, go sleep" he added "mama, go take shower". Now, please note that I had told Robbie that I was planning on taking a shower after I nursed him, and apparently he had been listening. Or maybe I just smell bad and he wanted me out. So I asked him if he wanted to go to sleep all by himself and he insisted on "mama, go take shower". Meo has NEVER gone to sleep without one of us laying by his side. But I decided to see what would happen. So I told him I loved him, to have sweet dreams, to close his eyes and go to sleep and to say "Dada" if he needed help to sleep (Robbie was in our room listening on the monitor). I helped him situate on his pillow, and he demonstrated how well he could close his eyes by squeezing them really tightly closed, then I said goodnight and quietly left the room. When I went into our room, Robbie was baffled as to what I was doing out so soon. He listened on the monitor while I took a shower, and after I got out he shocked me by saying Meo didn't make a peep the whole time. I was so curious, I simply had to go in and check on him, and there he was, laying in the exact spot I left him sound asleep. We were/are amazed. I really didn't think he was going to be able to fall asleep on his own. But here we are, at age 24 months with a big boy who fell peacefully asleep in his own bed for the very first time. It's hard to believe that really just happened.

And I just have to add that over the past two years, we've gone to Meo needing to be attached to my breast all night long in our bed, to sometimes me being able to sneak away for an hour or so to do my own thing at night, to spending the first hour or two in his own bed before he woke up and we brought him to us (around 10 months), to him not waking up from his bed until 5-7 and then coming to our room (23 months), to me not needing to nurse him to sleep this past month, to his big breakthrough tonight. We didn't have to do any sleep training, and sometimes we were worried that I would still be nursing him all night in our bed when he was seven years old, but here we are. And he did it all on his own time in his own way with all the love and support we could give him. I'm so proud of him, and feel so relieved that we never had to go through a period that made him or us uncomfortable or scared; that our inclination towards attachment parenting has successfully led us to where we wanted to be no sooner than we were ready to be there. So if you are at the beginning of this journey, and are worried about ever reaching the destination without having to do some kind of training, take comfort that IT WILL happen naturally and you don't have to feel guilty about giving your little one time to get there.

Co-sleeping with an 11 month old

Poor little Napkin! Of course you know that that Napkin is Louis Napoleon's little baby; perhaps you don't know that his mamma does not nurse him herself. I wonder does she know how much pleasure she loses by not doing it? I wonder does she know how sweet it is to wake in the night, and find a baby's soft little hand on her neck, and his dear little head lying upon her arm? I wonder does she know how beautiful a baby is when it first wakes in the morning, raising its little head...and gazing at you with its lustrous eyes and rosy cheeks, so like a fresh-blown dewy flower? I wonder does she know how delicious it is to give the little hungry rogue his breakfast? No, no; poor Eugenia! Poor empress! She knows nothing of all this. She has had all a mother's pain, and none of a mother's pleasure. She hires a woman to nurse and sleep with little Napkin. ~Sara Parton, 1857

Co-sleeping with Meo (11 months)

Our quiet little if-I-move-an-inch-I'll wake-myself-up side and back sleeper has become a I-can't-get-comfortable-I-must-try-every-possible-place-and-postion sleeper. Frankly, it's gotten a little nuts at bed time, and I finally understand this diagram:

and this one:

I really didn't get much sleep last night. For the first time, I wish we had a king sized bed. At one point last night, Meo was sleeping so his upper buddy was draped over my neck with his cute little head tucked under my chin and our cat, Theta, was sleeping so his poof was enveloping my head. We experienced "the roundhouse kick", "the neck scarf", "h is for hell", "snow angels" and "the stalker" (pictured in the first diagram) all in one night. In the morning, I asked Robbie how he slept. He said fine, except for a couple times he woke up because he got kicked in the face! Oh Meosaur.

Meo waking up next to his Daddy

Co-sleeping with Meo at 11 months

The one cool part about all this madness is that Meo has been able to put himself back to sleep on his own through all of this. I think I nursed him once last night after putting him into our bed (he spends the first half of the night in his own bed), and that was mostly to try to settle him down (aka sedate him). Otherwise, a little pat on the head or back, a sweet lullaby here and there, or just his own over whelming desire to sleep have gotten him snoring. I think part of the reason why he is now moving around so much (apart from the obvious reason: because he can move now), is that he now realizes that he has power over when and how he sleeps, and he's not quite sure how to deal with that yet. So he explores his possibilities. Most of the time he wants to snuggle up on my chest or stomach, which I think is really sweet. I love cuddling with him, and its nice to know he doesn't want to be near me just for my boobs and their sweet nectar of life. But boy is it an adjustment going from being on high alert and waking up every-time he moves to make sure he can breathe and is safe, to trying to ignore all the movement and trust that he is safe. That is why I hardly slept at all last night, and Robbie, apart from the occasional jab, slept marvelously. I feel like this is just going to be a little adjustment period for both of us.

Why don't I just keep him in his own bed for the rest of the night? Because I would miss him too much. I know that sounds ridiculous, since I am a stay at home mom and I see him all day long. But there is comfort knowing he is safe beside me, there is so much joy and having your baby snuggle up against you and cuddle, and it brings me peace to know that I am helping him to feel safe and secure; to develop healthy sleeping habits. Eventually, he will spend the night in his bed, but not until we are all ready. He has been doing so well with this gradual transition, I don't think it will be long (who knows). I'm sure one night, he just won't wake up and protest being left alone in the dark; he'll just reposition himself and go back to bed. But for now, we will all endure our nightly acrobatics because its what's best for our family.

Meo sprawled out in his bed at nap time

Before I conclude this post, I just wanted to share a video I had Robbie take last night. Lately, getting Meo to settle down for the night has been a challenge. We have been tweaking bed times and routines to help Meo go sleep at a decent time, but it has been a little challenging sometimes. After dinner, Robbie always gives Meo a bath, then we attempt to do a little massage/yoga to help Meo relax before putting him in his pajamas and reading some goodnight stories. We try to lay him down at first signs of tiredness, and then I nurse him to sleep. But now that he is super wiggly, once he has a full tummy he moves around and tries to lay on top of me, or shifts onto his belly with his butt up in the air. It's hard work trying to get him to relax into sleep; sometimes it takes an hour. But I've been being patient and observant with him, and we will figure this out together. Part of it may be that he is teething and part of it may just be its hard for his brain to quiet down from all the crazy developing he has been doing lately. So I'm sure things will calm down before long; they always do. Anyways, I thought I would share the video with you all so you can see for yourselves. I checked to  it over a few times to make sure you can't see any nipple action...in fact, there is almost no breast skin shown at all so don't worry (if that sort of thing bothers you).

Book Review: Beyond the Sling

Beyond the Sling: A Real-Life Guide to Raising Confident, Loving Children the Attachment Parenting Way by Mayim Bialik

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I really loved this book. I have a seven month old son, and we have been using attachment parenting principles thus far. Not intentionally at first; initially we followed our instincts and our hearts. After he was born I started wondering if how I was doing things was normal, so I turned to books to see how things are usually done. Through my research I found that we were using attachment parenting techniques, which makes sense since attachment theory basically says to follow your heart and trust your instincts. I only know a handful of people who are really doing attachment parenting; most of the moms I know are following a more traditional parenting style of having their baby sleep in a crib and stuff like that. I don't judge these moms AT ALL, I know that no one knows their baby like they do and I am sure they are doing what is best for their family. But sometimes its tough being the oddball. I have a hard time relating to some of their problems, and at the same time I only have one or two friends who can really relate to how we do things. One of these friends sent me an article that featured an interview with Mayim Bialik discussing her new book, Beyond the Sling. As a huge fan of the Big Bang Theory television show (this woman plays one of the main characters in the show), I was excited to see that she does attachment parenting. Not only that, but she has a PhD in neuroscience, which is awesome. Coming from a biology background, that just makes me respect her and her choices even more. I decided to preorder the book.

This book did not let me down. She does not lecture you. She does not tell you what to do. Instead, she tells you her story and what she has been doing and what has and hasn't worked from her. She begins right at pregnancy and continues through breastfeeding, bed sharing, up until gentle disciplining techniques and how to take care of yourself. What was most helpful for me in reading this book was simply having another person I could relate to. It's nice to see someone else doing what you are doing and seeing it be successful. This book has been reassuring. This book also gave me lots of new ideas that I am excited and incorporate into my own parenting.

I would recommend this book to several different types of people. First, to anyone who is curious about attachment parenting but doesn't really know much about it and isn't interested in reading a dense parenting book about it. I read this over the course of a couple of days and it covers all the principles of attachment parenting in a real and light-hearted way. You will definitely get a great idea of what attachment parenting is all about from reading this book. Second, I would recommend this book to anyone who is already using attachment parenting. Like I said previously, it is great to read a success story and have someone to relate to. Third, I would recommend this to anyone who isn't sure about their parenting style (or the one they will use in the future), or is having trouble with their children and not having a great experience as a parent. Even if you don't want to adopt all the principles of attachment parenting, this book may help you gain some new, fresh ideas.

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