I thought for sure that Link would be born past his due date; at least a few days, maybe even a week or two. Mattimeo was born just hours shy of 2 weeks after his due date, and this pregnancy had been going so similarly, I was convince that’s just what my body did. Nonetheless, we were ready a couple weeks prior to my due date, just in case.
 |
| Meo's Big Brother Backpack for the Birthplace |
Saturday night (from the 16th to 17th of November) there was a terrific full moon, known as the Beaver Moon. It is rumored that beavers work especially hard under the light of this full moon to make preparations for a difficult winter. Meo and I admired the Beaver Moon from the coziness of our living room window before I brought him upstairs to get him ready for bed. The moon is one of Meo’s favorite things, and he was in awe of how big and beautiful it was. After he went to sleep, I didn’t really think twice about the moon. There have been times I have been sleepless on nights where there was a full moon, so I feel like its strong pull does have a little effect on my body, but not really anything substantial. I am fairly convinced however that it was no mere coincidence that a full moon occurred at the same time that I started labor. It was just a day before my due date, and I’m sure my body and baby were ready for the delivery, and I bet the moon helped get the process going just as a long walk or spicy food would. I consider him my Beaver Moon baby.
 |
| Photo of the Beaver Moon that night in Maine by our family photographer |
So quite unexpectedly, at 2 am on the 17th, I started having sharp menstrual like cramping that held on for a full minute each time. I recognized the sensation right away, and though I wasn’t completely convinced that these contractions would lead to a baby…that by morning they would have vanished, I had enough sense to start timing them. I downloaded a contraction tracker app on my phone, and was surprised right away that my contractions were always a minute long and ten minutes apart, and showed no signs of slowing down. I prayed that my water wouldn’t break so that I wouldn’t have to go to the Birthplace early and be put on antibiotics all day for my GBS. At around 4 am, I decided to wake Robbie up to warn him that I was in labor (and to make me some toast because I was starving), but then to go back to sleep so he would be ready for the day. So I ate my toast , grapes and apple juice under the moonlight shining through our skylight, sitting on my yoga bolster trying to stay relaxed to ease the tension and pain. I watched the sunrise as I sipped on my last cup of pregnancy tea. After I ate I tried to fall back asleep, but the contractions were really uncomfortable and I didn’t get very much rest. By 8 AM, they were only slightly closer together, but I was starving so I woke the boys up because I was too uncomfortable to manage making breakfast on my own. I let my mom know that I started having contractions but that it seemed like it would be a while yet since I knew she had to work that day and we would need her to call out in order to hang out with Meo while I was in labor.
 |
| View from my skylight at the start of labor |
 |
| my sleepy boys |
 |
| Up, and stealing my breakfast |
 |
| Last moments of being pregnant at home (39 weeks) |
 |
| My last cup of pregnancy tea |
Ellie was the midwife on call and she told us that she would check to see if the lab results for my second Group B Strep test came back yet to know whether or not I should head to the birthplace or wait it out at home for a while. The good news was that my GBS test culture was looking like it was negative., but still needed more time to be completely finished. That meant that I needed to work my way to the birthplace and be hooked onto antibiotics just as a precaution. I was bummed at how close I was to avoiding the antibiotics all together, but didn’t dwell on my disappointment. Rather, I started to try to get psyched up that I might actually meet my baby Link that day, even though I wasn’t entirely convinced it was truly happening.
Robbie slowly packed up the car as I dragged my feet around, feeling like it was still much too early to go and not wanting multiple doses of antibiotics. My contractions had slowed down to one every twenty minutes and I was afraid maybe it wasn’t going to happen after all. So we took our time. Robbie was anxious to leave though because he knew I would struggle having contractions in the car. We decided to just get the drive over with and that way we could take a walk or go get lunch once we got there if my contractions were still far apart. During the half hour car ride there, I ended up having 4 contractions, so labor indeed had begun to pick up again. I was happy we made the choice to get the drive over with early, because those 4 contractions were not pleasant, and I imagine I would have been miserable if it had been more than that. Plus, we had no idea how quickly labor would go. For a lot of women, the second time around is much, much faster, and I needed to be on the antibiotics 4 hours prior to delivery in order for them to “count”. Otherwise, they would need to run a general blood test on Link that checks for inflammation as an indicator to having GBS symptoms. Unfortunately, this test has an extremely high false positive rate, as most babies have some inflammation after the stress of natural childbirth, and if we had lived anywhere else, I may have avoided antibiotics together. But Maine is one of the only 2 states where they do this test, and if it does come back positive, poor Link would be hooked up to medication for a week for something he may not even have…a process that would poorly effect our ability to bond, nurse, and be healthy. I didn’t want to risk that.
My mom was already waiting in the parking lot when we got there, which was perfect because Mattimeo had fallen asleep in the back seat and I was starving. So she stayed in the car with sleepy Meo while Robbie and I ambled into the birthplace to check in and get some food. Ellie was there and she checked to see how dilated I was to know whether or not we should hang out in the birthplace and get the antibiotics or head out for lunch and come back in a bit. I was completely thinned, and 4 cm dilated. She figured that meant that although my contractions were still on the slow side, they were really doing their job and things may pick up to the point that baby Link would be with us by dinner time. As dinner time was only 4- 5 hours away, she decided to hook me up to the antibiotics right away. Having never had an IV before, I was not excited for this process. It hurt only a little bit, but the whole concept just made me uneasy and it didn’t like having a little tube stuck in my arm. After 15 minutes, I was unhooked, but I hated having something stuck to my arm and felt like I couldn’t move my hand like I wanted to, even though I probably could. It was a nuisance, but the throws of labor eventually distracted me from this little detail, and I am happy knowing that a minor discomfort like that may have protected my baby from becoming fatally ill.
 |
| Checking to see how things are going |
 |
| contractions |
 |
| Getting ready for my IV for antibiotics |
 |
| Getting and IV for my antibiotics |
 |
| watching me get an IV for antibiotics |
I started laboring in the birthplace by eating lunch in between contractions to keep my strength up and either swaying on my feet or rocking in the rocking chair to help channel energy through contractions. When I was laboring with Meo, I found that staying completely relaxed made the contractions feel more like tension and less painful. But this time, complete relaxation wasn’t working as well. I felt the tension was difficult to embrace and let sit there inside me. Instead, I found that moving with it while relaxing helped me to be a part of it and allow my body to lift and open as it needed to do. I am glad that I consciously made myself eat and drink as much as I could through labor because I remembered how thirsty and hungry I was when I was trying to push Meo out. I could barely breath my throat was so parched and the contractions were so intense I had a hard time getting myself to drink….plus I felt weak from hunger. I didn’t allow myself to get to that point this time and that made me feel stronger and more confident.
Mattimeo was in the room with my mom a lot of the time while I was in labor and he did great. Sometimes he would come over and ask me to carry him and I would tell him that I couldn’t because I was helping baby Link to be born, and fortunately this satisfied him and I could hear him say to himself “Mama help baby Link be born” while he munched on snacks with my mom. They were in and out as Meo was a busy toddler and enjoyed going for walks with my mom and to the solarium where they watched trains, planes and automobiles go by outside.
When I was starting to feel really uncomfortable, I decided to see if a warm shower would help to relax my muscles a bit. So Robbie got into his swim shorts and we spent probably 20-30 minutes just standing/sitting under the warm water. The water felt delicious on my tired muscles and I was able to rest a little bit more when I sat down as I had begun to feel tired from standing and swaying so much. I also felt an urge to kiss Robbie, and kissing through a couple contractions made them completely painless. I probably should have thought to just make out during the transition period to make things easier on myself!
After a while I thought it would be a good idea to get out of the shower and eat and drink a little bit more. Leaving my happy water kingdom was difficult though, and the contractions got stronger and more difficult. I really had to rock when I was on the rocking chair, and found that I needed to vocalize by holding a low note to help get through each contraction. Meo came back in the room and my mom told him I was singing, so every time I was having a difficult contraction I could hear a little voice pipe up, “Mama is singing! Mama is singing!” That always made me smile, and that made the contractions easier. When I couldn’t rock through them anymore, I stood up and wrapped my arms around Robbie for support and swayed. I rocked back and forth from foot to foot and tried to sway my hips in a way that eased the tension and felt like I was helping my muscles accomplish what they were trying to do: lift and open my cervix. When things got even more difficult, I found myself rocking so powerfully that I was picking my feet off the ground and moving around the room. My legs and my arms were getting tired, and I asked to try out the tub.
I remembered that I hated the tub with Meo because I got way too hot and couldn’t breathe. Ellie tried to make it cooler this time and kept bringing us buckets of ice water to poor into the tub if I was feeling overheated. Robbie came in the bath too, which helped him to rest and relax a little. He constantly rubbed and ice cold wash cloth on my back whenever I had a contraction and provided my with cold clothes to hold on my head. The only times I felt really hot was while I was having contractions and the cold clothes really helped. The water did wonders for my tired body; it made me feel less heavy as I swayed or bobbed through my contractions, and took a lot of pressure of my bottom which prevented the hemorrhoids I acquired during birthing Meo a non-issue this time (last time it was one of the major discomforts of labor). I felt like I accomplished a lot of work in the tub; the contractions were really intense and close together, and I felt strong and powerful as I worked with my body to get through them. Mattimeo even helped with a little comic relief; at one point he started singing “Frere Jacques” over and over again and despite the intensity of my situation I felt obliged to sing with him and it made me feel happy and giggle. Meo also wanted to join us in the tub, but I told him I didn’t think that was a good idea. Another bathtub incident was when I really had to go pee. Sorry Robbie, I imagine this part is embarrassing for you a little. Ellie said I could either try to get out and walk to the toilet (which made me cringe, I knew I probably couldn’t handle walking right then) or pee in the tub. Me, Ellie, and the nurse all looked at Robbie and he told me to go for it. Ellie comforted him by stating matter-of-factl y that pee is sterile. I’m not sure if that comforted Robbie any, but it eased my conscious and I allowed myself to pee twice.
I spent two hours in the tub, and as we got to the four hour mark, Ellie told me that I had got to the time where I would need to be on antibiotics again for 15 minutes. Neither of us wanted me to deal with another does to my system, so Ellie tried to convince the nurse that birth was imamate. Ellie said she could tell the mine contractions were doing a lot of work and asked me if I felt any sensation of pushing yet. I told her I didn’t feel like pushing, and that I knew that the baby wasn’t coming out yet, but I felt like there was a bubble trying to push its way out. She predicted that my water sack was intact and my body was working really hard to break it. She suggested that I allow her to check me so we could see what was going on and whether or not I could avoid the antibiotics. So she checked me while I was in the tub and found that I was in fact at 10 centimeters dilated, but the baby’s head was pushing up against my water sack and unable to get out. In my birth plan, I had stated that I did not want to have my water broken. But usually when someone breaks their water, it is to get contractions started, and can come with many side effects. I asked her if there was any drawbacks at all to having your water broken when you are fully dilated, and she said no, it would just save me from potentially hours of needless labor trying to pop it myself. The baby was ready to come out, the membranes just needed to break and they were really strong from reason. So I asked her to go ahead and pop them for me. So while I was in the tub, she tried to pop them with a long tool that looked like a crochet hook. She was pretty sure the membrane broke because they saw a little leaking. I labored a little while in the tub, but though the contractions were really intense, I still felt no desire to push. I decided to accept antibiotics to avoid being pestered by pediatricians later. I felt like it might be a little while still and I didn’t want to risk Link being but on drugs once he was born all because it skipped out on a little dose of antibiotics. Once the antibiotics were done, I got out of the tub for a change of scenery (and gravity) hoping for a turning point.
Once out of the tub, I felt very heavy and exhausted. I found myself wishing more than ever that this would be over with so I could go to sleep. Ellie suggested I try laboring on my side in the bed so I could rest. I didn’t really want to as the thought of having to be still through a contraction terrified me. I knew that it would be much more painful. But after laboring standing up through a few contractions, it became apparent to me that I had no choice. I was exhausted and couldn’t support holding my body up AND work through the contractions anymore; it was either lay down or collapse on the floor. I preferred the bed.
The contractions were hellish on my side. Robbie stood beside me and gently stroked me, reminding me to relax my body in stages (head to toe) through each contraction. I listened to him intently each time and made sure to relax each muscle he instructed me too: relax my jaw, my eyes, my chest, my hips, my feet, etc. I also kept telling myself over and over to let my body take over, and to trust my body and just let go. But with each powerful contraction, I helplessly gripped in my uterus and curled my toes and wanted to scream. Ellie saw how much I was struggling, and began to massage my muscles so deeply and wonderfully that it actually felt like she was loosening the contractions and for a short period of time I felt peace and quiet in my body and didn’t feel like I was dying. My body was able to rest, and apparently I needed it because for 15 glorious minutes during my transition, the most intense and difficult part of labor, I managed to fall asleep.
When I woke up, I was struggling through another contraction. I looked for Robbie’s comforting words, or Ellie’s strong touch only to find a nurse. She said I had fallen asleep and Ellie went to use the bathroom, and Robbie went to comfort Meo for a bit. At first I felt a bit of panic when another contraction came and I was all alone, but knowing that Robbie was with Meo who probably needed us and was scared somehow comforted me and I was able to bear it alone. I only had to be alone for a few contractions before my birth companions came back to me for our final lap.
Ellie said that she was surprised I wasn’t pushing yet, and suspected that she didn’t break all the membranes the first time. Like I said, I make one sturdy water sack…Meo’s didn’t break until my transition period either. I asked her to try again, so she did and this time with great success. I felt warm fluid, more than I ever thought my body could possibly hold, gush from my body. From there things started going quickly. Poor Link was still not facing the optimal direction to ease himself out of my body and it took some long, hard contractions to push him into the correct orientation. It was so painful that I couldn’t help screaming sometimes. One time I screamed when Meo was in the room and I heard him scream out in terror and being rushed out of the room. Apparently both Meo and my mom started crying at the point…sorry about that you guys! Screaming sent my whole body into a panicky ball of tension mess that was fighting as hard as it could to prevent the pain of the contraction, effectively working against the contraction. Ellie and Robbie began to instruct me to moan and growl. To make deep, deep vibrations that worked deep into my uterus and helped my body turn that baby and ease him out. And even though I wanted to scream with every atom of my body, I concentrated all my efforts into bellowing out deep moans or growls and relaxing my face and becoming one with all the pain and tension and intensity that I felt and knew I couldn’t avoid. It was so incredibly intense, I’m not sure words can begin to do it justice. In the very short space between contractions, I started pleading that I couldn’t do it anymore, that I felt like I was going to die. Robbie, Ellie and the nurse all told me that just meant it was almost over and it was good I felt that way. I did not think it was good I felt that way, yet somehow those words comforted me. And they were right.
Soon I felt the most intense sensation to push with every fiber of my being, yet I felt terrified of the pain that pushing caused. I had nothing to push against and my whole body was struggling with the intense need to push. Ellie got a birthing stool for me, unsure if it would do the trick, but insisted that I somehow get off my side and sit on the birthing stool. I was a slave to my body at the point and willing to try anything because it was not possible for me to hurt anymore than I did at that moment. I managed to get on the stool somehow, and listened as intently as I could as Ellie instructed me where to put my hands. Then I felt my legs and feet push into the ground with such intensity that it took me holding onto the birth stool with all my strength from being propelled across the room. Being able to harness that energy to push downwards all the way into the floor felt amazing, incredibly painful and intense, but amazing. I felt Link coming. Soon I heard people shouting at me that they could see his head; I felt so powerful! Ellie and Robbie kept telling me to slow down, to make the pushing gentler. I thought they were insane, but I trusted them completely and used all my concentration to try to ease off on my pushing. I was afraid that I was pushing so hard that I was hurting Link, but they told me later it was to prevent me from tearing and needing stitches. They told me to reach down and feel his head, and I remembered this meant I was so close. I felt a warm, hard bulge, and I felt such animalistic intensity. I was a slave to my body and I pushed through all the burning, I found strength I didn’t know I had and out came his head and then out slipped his shoulders, and through sweat and blurry vision I was told to reach down and grab my baby. And I saw him, big, red and beautiful somehow in my hands below me, and I pulled him up and flopped his wet, delicate little body onto my bare chest and felt completely confused that he was there. That it was over. That I didn’t have to be in labor anymore. I could have laughed; maybe I did. I was so happy. He didn’t cry right away, so they worked on sucking fluid out. Then he cried and I was relieved that he would be okay and wouldn’t have to be taken away from me. Somehow I got back onto the bed with my treasure and tried to take in everything about him. I birthed the placenta and instantly felt so much relief and peace. Now it was REALLY over.
 |
| Seconds after I pushed Link out |
Once the cord stopped pulsating, Robbie cut it. We got to look at the placenta and Ellie said it was incredibly huge and healthy. Little Link started breastfeeding like a champ while they poked and prodded at my uterus and other womanly parts, searching for any tears or hemorrhaging. Ellie gave me a shot of something in my thigh to help my blood clot as I had lost a lot of blood and she was afraid of my uterus bleeding too much more. Link’s nursing helped my uterus to instantly harden, and I didn’t have a single tear. Everything looked good and healthy, and I was so happy and in love with my baby boy finally in my arms. Eighteen hours of unmediated labor, and 9 minutes of pushing; I had did it and I was so grateful it was over.
 |
| Ellie, my midwife, Link and I |
 |
| Ellie, my midwife, Link and I |
My mom was there when Link was born, and I was happy she was able to witness it. I guess she had run out and brought Meo to watch football in the waiting room with Grandpa while I was pushing because it was too much for him, and so shortly after Link was born, she went back out to get him so he could be one of the first to meet his baby brother. Link had big hands, and both blond and brown hair, tiny feet, bright blue, alert eyes, his brother’s sweet nose and lips, and blond eyebrows and eyelashes. To me he didn’t look like anyone I knew; he was Link. It was mesmerizing looking into his little blue eyes, seeing him studying me for the very first time as I tried to take him in as well. When Meo saw him, he looked confused, but eventually he kept repeating “That’s baby Link! He’s drinking milk!” He also gave him the sweetest little kiss.
 |
| Mema and Meo recuperating after labor |
After we had a quiet hour to ourselves, taking in our precious new family member, Robbie went out to get the rest of the family from the waiting room. My dad and step mom, my sister Sam, and Robbie’s mom and dad were all there. It was wonderful to be able to share welcoming baby Link to the world with them.
Link was born at 8:35 pm. I was hungry, so my sister fed me mac and cheese and apple pie while I nursed my sweet baby Link. We had baby Link weighted and measured because we were so curious to know before bed. He was 8 pounds and 4 ounces, and 20 inches long. That is smaller than his brother (who was a whopping 9 pounds and 21.5 inches long), but still big considering he was born two weeks earlier than his brother was.
 |
| Dad and Sue |
 |
| My sister, Sam |
 |
| Weighing Link |
 |
| Sam feeding me pie |
 |
| Robbie's mom and dad |
 |
| My mom |
 |
| Meo holding Link for the first time |
I was thankful that he was healthy, alert and beautiful. I was thankful that it was only 8:30 when he was born and I would be able to have a full night of rest. I was thankful that Robbie and Meo decided not to spend that night at home, and we were all able to spend that first night together in the hospital. I was thankful for the life, love, and strength that was given to me that day; a day I will never forget.
Later on my mom told me that Ellie told her Robbie and I were the most wonderful couple she had ever seen go through labor together. She said that we were so in tune to each other and so connected that it was amazing for her to witness. I feel so incredible fortunate that I found a mate to go through life with that is so perfect for me. Neither of us are nearly perfect people, but together we are whole and together I feel like we can accomplish anything.
