Link’s Birth Story

I thought for sure that Link would be born past his due date; at least a few days, maybe even a week or two. Mattimeo was born just hours shy of 2 weeks after his due date, and this pregnancy had been going so similarly, I was convince that’s just what my body did. Nonetheless, we were ready a couple weeks prior to my due date, just in case.

Meo's Big Brother Backpack for the Birthplace

Saturday night (from the 16th to 17th of November) there was a terrific full moon, known as the Beaver Moon. It is rumored that beavers work especially hard under the light of this full moon to make preparations for a difficult winter. Meo and I admired the Beaver Moon from the coziness of our living room window before I brought him upstairs to get him ready for bed. The moon is one of Meo’s favorite things, and he was in awe of how big and beautiful it was. After he went to sleep, I didn’t really think twice about the moon. There have been times I have been sleepless on nights where there was a full moon, so I feel like its strong pull does have a little effect on my body, but not really anything substantial. I am fairly convinced however that it was no mere coincidence that a full moon occurred at the same time that I started labor. It was just a day before my due date, and I’m sure my body and baby were ready for the delivery, and I bet the moon helped get the process going just as a long walk or spicy food would. I consider him my Beaver Moon baby.

Photo of the Beaver Moon that night in Maine by our family photographer

So quite unexpectedly, at 2 am on the 17th, I started having sharp menstrual like cramping that held on for a full minute each time. I recognized the sensation right away, and though I wasn’t completely convinced that these contractions would lead to a baby…that by morning they would have vanished, I had enough sense to start timing them. I downloaded a contraction tracker app on my phone, and was surprised right away that my contractions were always a minute long and ten minutes apart, and showed no signs of slowing down. I prayed that my water wouldn’t break so that I wouldn’t have to go to the Birthplace early and be put on antibiotics all day for my GBS. At around 4 am, I decided to wake Robbie up to warn him that I was in labor (and to make me some toast because I was starving), but then to go back to sleep so he would be ready for the day. So I ate my toast , grapes and apple juice under the moonlight shining through our skylight, sitting on my yoga bolster trying to stay relaxed to ease the tension and pain. I watched the sunrise as I sipped on my last cup of pregnancy tea. After I ate I tried to fall back asleep, but the contractions were really uncomfortable and I didn’t get very much rest. By 8 AM, they were only slightly closer together, but I was starving so I woke the boys up because I was too uncomfortable to manage making breakfast on my own. I let my mom know that I started having contractions but that it seemed like it would be a while yet since I knew she had to work that day and we would need her to call out in order to hang out with Meo while I was in labor.

View from my skylight at the start of labor

my sleepy boys

Up, and stealing my breakfast

Last moments of being pregnant at home (39 weeks)

My last cup of pregnancy tea

Ellie was the midwife on call and she told us that she would check to see if the lab results for my second Group B Strep test came back yet to know whether or not I should head to the birthplace or wait it out at home for a while. The good news was that my GBS test culture was looking like it was negative., but still needed more time to be completely finished. That meant that I needed to work my way to the birthplace and be hooked onto antibiotics just as a precaution. I was bummed at how close I was to avoiding the antibiotics all together, but didn’t dwell on my disappointment. Rather, I started to try to get psyched up that I might actually meet my baby Link that day, even though I wasn’t entirely convinced it was truly happening.

Robbie slowly packed up the car as I dragged my feet around, feeling like it was still much too early to go and not wanting multiple doses of antibiotics. My contractions had slowed down to one every twenty minutes and I was afraid maybe it wasn’t going to happen after all. So we took our time. Robbie was anxious to leave though because he knew I would struggle having contractions in the car. We decided to just get the drive over with and that way we could take a walk or go get lunch once we got there if my contractions were still far apart. During the half hour car ride there, I ended up having 4 contractions, so labor indeed had begun to pick up again. I was happy we made the choice to get the drive over with early, because those 4 contractions were not pleasant, and I imagine I would have been miserable if it had been more than that. Plus, we had no idea how quickly labor would go. For a lot of women, the second time around is much, much faster, and I needed to be on the antibiotics 4 hours prior to delivery in order for them to “count”. Otherwise, they would need to run a general blood test on Link that checks for inflammation as an indicator to having GBS symptoms. Unfortunately, this test has an extremely high false positive rate, as most babies have some inflammation after the stress of natural childbirth, and if we had lived anywhere else, I may have avoided antibiotics together. But Maine is one of the only 2 states where they do this test, and if it does come back positive, poor Link would be hooked up to medication for a week for something he may not even have…a process that would poorly effect our ability to bond, nurse, and be healthy. I didn’t want to risk that.

My mom was already waiting in the parking lot when we got there, which was perfect because Mattimeo had fallen asleep in the back seat and I was starving. So she stayed in the car with sleepy Meo while Robbie and I ambled into the birthplace to check in and get some food. Ellie was there and she checked to see how dilated I was to know whether or not we should hang out in the birthplace and get the antibiotics or head out for lunch and come back in a bit. I was completely thinned, and 4 cm dilated. She figured that meant that although my contractions were still on the slow side, they were really doing their job and things may pick up to the point that baby Link would be with us by dinner time. As dinner time was only 4- 5 hours away, she decided to hook me up to the antibiotics right away. Having never had an IV before, I was not excited for this process. It hurt only a little bit, but the whole concept just made me uneasy and it didn’t like having a little tube stuck in my arm. After 15 minutes, I was unhooked, but I hated having something stuck to my arm and felt like I couldn’t move my hand like I wanted to, even though I probably could. It was a nuisance, but the throws of labor eventually distracted me from this little detail, and I am happy knowing that a minor discomfort like that may have protected my baby from becoming fatally ill.

Checking to see how things are going

contractions

Getting ready for my IV for antibiotics

Getting and IV for my antibiotics

watching me get an IV for antibiotics

I started laboring in the birthplace by eating lunch in between contractions to keep my strength up and either swaying on my feet or rocking in the rocking chair to help channel energy through contractions. When I was laboring with Meo, I found that staying completely relaxed made the contractions feel more like tension and less painful. But this time, complete relaxation wasn’t working as well. I felt the tension was difficult to embrace and let sit there inside me. Instead, I found that moving with it while relaxing helped me to be a part of it and allow my body to lift and open as it needed to do. I am glad that I consciously made myself eat and drink as much as I could through labor because I remembered how thirsty and hungry I was when I was trying to push Meo out. I could barely breath my throat was so parched and the contractions were so intense I had a hard time getting myself to drink….plus I felt weak from hunger. I didn’t allow myself to get to that point this time and that made me feel stronger and more confident.

Mattimeo was in the room with my mom a lot of the time while I was in labor and he did great. Sometimes he would come over and ask me to carry him and I would tell him that I couldn’t because I was helping baby Link to be born, and fortunately this satisfied him and I could hear him say to himself “Mama help baby Link be born” while he munched on snacks with my mom. They were in and out as Meo was a busy toddler and enjoyed going for walks with my mom and to the solarium where they watched trains, planes and automobiles go by outside.

When I was starting to feel really uncomfortable, I decided to see if a warm shower would help to relax my muscles a bit. So Robbie got into his swim shorts and we spent probably 20-30 minutes just standing/sitting under the warm water. The water felt delicious on my tired muscles and I was able to rest a little bit more when I sat down as I had begun to feel tired from standing and swaying so much. I also felt an urge to kiss Robbie, and kissing through a couple contractions made them completely painless. I probably should have thought to just make out during the transition period to make things easier on myself!

After a while I thought it would be a good idea to get out of the shower and eat and drink a little bit more. Leaving my happy water kingdom was difficult though, and the contractions got stronger and more difficult. I really had to rock when I was on the rocking chair, and found that I needed to vocalize by holding a low note to help get through each contraction. Meo came back in the room and my mom told him I was singing, so every time I was having a difficult contraction I could hear a little voice pipe up, “Mama is singing! Mama is singing!” That always made me smile, and that made the contractions easier. When I couldn’t rock through them anymore, I stood up and wrapped my arms around Robbie for support and swayed. I rocked back and forth from foot to foot and tried to sway my hips in a way that eased the tension and felt like I was helping my muscles accomplish what they were trying to do: lift and open my cervix. When things got even more difficult, I found myself rocking so powerfully that I was picking my feet off the ground and moving around the room. My legs and my arms were getting tired, and I asked to try out the tub.

I remembered that I hated the tub with Meo because I got way too hot and couldn’t breathe. Ellie tried to make it cooler this time and kept bringing us buckets of ice water to poor into the tub if I was feeling overheated. Robbie came in the bath too, which helped him to rest and relax a little. He constantly rubbed and ice cold wash cloth on my back whenever I had a contraction and provided my with cold clothes to hold on my head. The only times I felt really hot was while I was having contractions and the cold clothes really helped. The water did wonders for my tired body; it made me feel less heavy as I swayed or bobbed through my contractions, and took a lot of pressure of my bottom which prevented the hemorrhoids I acquired during birthing Meo a non-issue this time (last time it was one of the major discomforts of labor). I felt like I accomplished a lot of work in the tub; the contractions were really intense and close together, and I felt strong and powerful as I worked with my body to get through them. Mattimeo even helped with a little comic relief; at one point he started singing “Frere Jacques” over and over again and despite the intensity of my situation I felt obliged to sing with him and it made me feel happy and giggle. Meo also wanted to join us in the tub, but I told him I didn’t think that was a good idea. Another bathtub incident was when I really had to go pee. Sorry Robbie, I imagine this part is embarrassing for you a little. Ellie said I could either try to get out and walk to the toilet (which made me cringe, I knew I probably couldn’t handle walking right then) or pee in the tub. Me, Ellie, and the nurse all looked at Robbie and he told me to go for it. Ellie comforted him by stating matter-of-factl y that pee is sterile. I’m not sure if that comforted Robbie any, but it eased my conscious and I allowed myself to pee twice.

I spent two hours in the tub, and as we got to the four hour mark, Ellie told me that I had got to the time where I would need to be on antibiotics again for 15 minutes. Neither of us wanted me to deal with another does to my system, so Ellie tried to convince the nurse that birth was imamate. Ellie said she could tell the mine contractions were doing a lot of work and asked me if I felt any sensation of pushing yet. I told her I didn’t feel like pushing, and that I knew that the baby wasn’t coming out yet, but I felt like there was a bubble trying to push its way out. She predicted that my water sack was intact and my body was working really hard to break it. She suggested that I allow her to check me so we could see what was going on and whether or not I could avoid the antibiotics. So she checked me while I was in the tub and found that I was in fact at 10 centimeters dilated, but the baby’s head was pushing up against my water sack and unable to get out. In my birth plan, I had stated that I did not want to have my water broken. But usually when someone breaks their water, it is to get contractions started, and can come with many side effects. I asked her if there was any drawbacks at all to having your water broken when you are fully dilated, and she said no, it would just save me from potentially hours of needless labor trying to pop it myself. The baby was ready to come out, the membranes just needed to break and they were really strong from reason. So I asked her to go ahead and pop them for me. So while I was in the tub, she tried to pop them with a long tool that looked like a crochet hook. She was pretty sure the membrane broke because they saw a little leaking. I labored a little while in the tub, but though the contractions were really intense, I still felt no desire to push. I decided to accept antibiotics to avoid being pestered by pediatricians later. I felt like it might be a little while still and I didn’t want to risk Link being but on drugs once he was born all because it skipped out on a little dose of antibiotics. Once the antibiotics were done, I got out of the tub for a change of scenery (and gravity) hoping for a turning point.

Once out of the tub, I felt very heavy and exhausted. I found myself wishing more than ever that this would be over with so I could go to sleep. Ellie suggested I try laboring on my side in the bed so I could rest. I didn’t really want to as the thought of having to be still through a contraction terrified me. I knew that it would be much more painful. But after laboring standing up through a few contractions, it became apparent to me that I had no choice. I was exhausted and couldn’t support holding my body up AND work through the contractions anymore; it was either lay down or collapse on the floor. I preferred the bed.

The contractions were hellish on my side. Robbie stood beside me and gently stroked me, reminding me to relax my body in stages (head to toe) through each contraction. I listened to him intently each time and made sure to relax each muscle he instructed me too: relax my jaw, my eyes, my chest, my hips, my feet, etc. I also kept telling myself over and over to let my body take over, and to trust my body and just let go. But with each powerful contraction, I helplessly gripped in my uterus and curled my toes and wanted to scream. Ellie saw how much I was struggling, and began to massage my muscles so deeply and wonderfully that it actually felt like she was loosening the contractions and for a short period of time I felt peace and quiet in my body and didn’t feel like I was dying. My body was able to rest, and apparently I needed it because for 15 glorious minutes during my transition, the most intense and difficult part of labor, I managed to fall asleep.

When I woke up, I was struggling through another contraction. I looked for Robbie’s comforting words, or Ellie’s strong touch only to find a nurse. She said I had fallen asleep and Ellie went to use the bathroom, and Robbie went to comfort Meo for a bit. At first I felt a bit of panic when another contraction came and I was all alone, but knowing that Robbie was with Meo who probably needed us and was scared somehow comforted me and I was able to bear it alone. I only had to be alone for a few contractions before my birth companions came back to me for our final lap.

Ellie said that she was surprised I wasn’t pushing yet, and suspected that she didn’t break all the membranes the first time. Like I said, I make one sturdy water sack…Meo’s didn’t break until my transition period either. I asked her to try again, so she did and this time with great success. I felt warm fluid, more than I ever thought my body could possibly hold, gush from my body. From there things started going quickly. Poor Link was still not facing the optimal direction to ease himself out of my body and it took some long, hard contractions to push him into the correct orientation. It was so painful that I couldn’t help screaming sometimes. One time I screamed when Meo was in the room and I heard him scream out in terror and being rushed out of the room. Apparently both Meo and my mom started crying at the point…sorry about that you guys! Screaming sent my whole body into a panicky ball of tension mess that was fighting as hard as it could to prevent the pain of the contraction, effectively working against the contraction. Ellie and Robbie began to instruct me to moan and growl. To make deep, deep vibrations that worked deep into my uterus and helped my body turn that baby and ease him out. And even though I wanted to scream with every atom of my body, I concentrated all my efforts into bellowing out deep moans or growls and relaxing my face and becoming one with all the pain and tension and intensity that I felt and knew I couldn’t avoid. It was so incredibly intense, I’m not sure words can begin to do it justice. In the very short space between contractions, I started pleading that I couldn’t do it anymore, that I felt like I was going to die. Robbie, Ellie and the nurse all told me that just meant it was almost over and it was good I felt that way. I did not think it was good I felt that way, yet somehow those words comforted me. And they were right.

Soon I felt the most intense sensation to push with every fiber of my being, yet I felt terrified of the pain that pushing caused. I had nothing to push against and my whole body was struggling with the intense need to push. Ellie got a birthing stool for me, unsure if it would do the trick, but insisted that I somehow get off my side and sit on the birthing stool. I was a slave to my body at the point and willing to try anything because it was not possible for me to hurt anymore than I did at that moment. I managed to get on the stool somehow, and listened as intently as I could as Ellie instructed me where to put my hands. Then I felt my legs and feet push into the ground with such intensity that it took me holding onto the birth stool with all my strength from being propelled across the room. Being able to harness that energy to push downwards all the way into the floor felt amazing, incredibly painful and intense, but amazing. I felt Link coming. Soon I heard people shouting at me that they could see his head; I felt so powerful! Ellie and Robbie kept telling me to slow down, to make the pushing gentler. I thought they were insane, but I trusted them completely and used all my concentration to try to ease off on my pushing. I was afraid that I was pushing so hard that I was hurting Link, but they told me later it was to prevent me from tearing and needing stitches. They told me to reach down and feel his head, and I remembered this meant I was so close. I felt a warm, hard bulge, and I felt such animalistic intensity. I was a slave to my body and I pushed through all the burning, I found strength I didn’t know I had and out came his head and then out slipped his shoulders, and through sweat and blurry vision I was told to reach down and grab my baby. And I saw him, big, red and beautiful somehow in my hands below me, and I pulled him up and flopped his wet, delicate little body onto my bare chest and felt completely confused that he was there. That it was over. That I didn’t have to be in labor anymore. I could have laughed; maybe I did. I was so happy. He didn’t cry right away, so they worked on sucking fluid out. Then he cried and I was relieved that he would be okay and wouldn’t have to be taken away from me. Somehow I got back onto the bed with my treasure and tried to take in everything about him. I birthed the placenta and instantly felt so much relief and peace. Now it was REALLY over.

Seconds after I pushed Link out

Once the cord stopped pulsating, Robbie cut it. We got to look at the placenta and Ellie said it was incredibly huge and healthy. Little Link started breastfeeding like a champ while they poked and prodded at my uterus and other womanly parts, searching for any tears or hemorrhaging. Ellie gave me a shot of something in my thigh to help my blood clot as I had lost a lot of blood and she was afraid of my uterus bleeding too much more. Link’s nursing helped my uterus to instantly harden, and I didn’t have a single tear. Everything looked good and healthy, and I was so happy and in love with my baby boy finally in my arms. Eighteen hours of unmediated labor, and 9 minutes of pushing; I had did it and I was so grateful it was over.

Ellie, my midwife, Link and I

Ellie, my midwife, Link and I

My mom was there when Link was born, and I was happy she was able to witness it. I guess she had run out and brought Meo to watch football in the waiting room with Grandpa while I was pushing because it was too much for him, and so shortly after Link was born, she went back out to get him so he could be one of the first to meet his baby brother. Link had big hands, and both blond and brown hair, tiny feet, bright blue, alert eyes, his brother’s sweet nose and lips, and blond eyebrows and eyelashes. To me he didn’t look like anyone I knew; he was Link. It was mesmerizing looking into his little blue eyes, seeing him studying me for the very first time as I tried to take him in as well. When Meo saw him, he looked confused, but eventually he kept repeating “That’s baby Link! He’s drinking milk!” He also gave him the sweetest little kiss.

Mema and Meo recuperating after labor

After we had a quiet hour to ourselves, taking in our precious new family member, Robbie went out to get the rest of the family from the waiting room. My dad and step mom, my sister Sam, and Robbie’s mom and dad were all there. It was wonderful to be able to share welcoming baby Link to the world with them.
Link was born at 8:35 pm. I was hungry, so my sister fed me mac and cheese and apple pie while I nursed my sweet baby Link. We had baby Link weighted and measured because we were so curious to know before bed. He was 8 pounds and 4 ounces, and 20 inches long. That is smaller than his brother (who was a whopping 9 pounds and 21.5 inches long), but still big considering he was born two weeks earlier than his brother was.

Dad and Sue

My sister, Sam

Weighing Link

Sam feeding me pie

Robbie's mom and dad

My mom

Meo holding Link for the first time

I was thankful that he was healthy, alert and beautiful. I was thankful that it was only 8:30 when he was born and I would be able to have a full night of rest. I was thankful that Robbie and Meo decided not to spend that night at home, and we were all able to spend that first night together in the hospital. I was thankful for the life, love, and strength that was given to me that day; a day I will never forget.

Later on my mom told me that Ellie told her Robbie and I were the most wonderful couple she had ever seen go through labor together. She said that we were so in tune to each other and so connected that it was amazing for her to witness. I feel so incredible fortunate that I found a mate to go through life with that is so perfect for me. Neither of us are nearly perfect people, but together we are whole and together I feel like we can accomplish anything.

Birth Story

Wow, childbirth. I must admit that even though I read many books about birth and believed that I knew what to expect, I am not convinced that anything can completely prepare you for the actual event. I am sure childbirth is different for every single person and that the experience will be different depending on the circumstances (time of day, energy levels, etc.). I had an amazing childbirth experience, and although it was the most difficult thing I have ever done, I have never felt so accomplished and happy when it was over.

My labor started at 3:00 am on Saturday the 6th of August. I woke up in the night feeling like I was have menstural cramps and a tummy ache. Prior to that morning when I was having contractions, I would feel my whole stomach and abdomen tighten and lift. While it was somewhat breathtaking, it never felt painful and sometimes even made me feel pleasantly euphoric. Early Saturday morning though when I started having contractions, the tightening and lifting sensation in my belly was combined with the cramping, and the contractions felt very intense and uncomfortable. At that point they were not so intense though, and I managed to fall in and out of sleep until about 7 am. I knew that these were real contractions this time, and I was eagerly hoping that I would wake up in the morning and find that the contractions were already less than 5 minutes apart and that I would be able to go to the birthplace and have my baby after a good night of rest. But when I woke up, the contractions were much more intense, but still about 15-30 minutes apart.

To deal with the intensity of the contractions, I found that I really needed to be in a relaxed and meditative state. So whenever I felt one coming on, I tried to relax my entire body and take deep, long breathes. Early in the day, I was able to do this sitting anywhere, and was able to enjoy an egg, cheese, fake ham, tomato and spinach sandwich for breakfast at the table. After breakfast, Robbie and I played a couple games of Ascension. By then my contractions were 10-15 minutes apart, and Robbie would know I was having a contraction because I would have to close my eyes and go limp, otherwise it would start to hurt. It was such a beautiful day outside that we decided to go for a walk around the block to get some fresh air and see if walking helped to ease any discomfort. Walking seemed to slow the contractions down a little, but I soon grew tired and hot and we headed back home so I could take a shower and get some lunch. After my shower, the contractions started getting even more intense and were 5-10 minutes apart. I found that I needed to be even more focused or I would squirm and tense up with discomfort. So I took out my yoga bolster and sat in Baddha Konasana. This pose helps to widen the pelvic floor and diaphragm as relaxes the sacroiliac are which creates space for deeper breathing. I felt really comfortable and peaceful in this pose, and it truly helped me stay relaxed. Sometimes if I was having a really intense contraction, I found that it helped if Robbie held my arms up in the air giving me even more space to work through the contractions. Although Baddha Konasana became my favored pose to work through contractions, I also tried Upavishtha Konasana (legs wide apart) and Malasana (squatting on bolter), which were fine if I wasn't having a terribly strong contraction and helped my bottom not be so sore from sitting the same way for an extended period of time. As you know, I had taken a Hypnobirthing class to prepare for labor, so I was making sure to stay calm, relaxed, and confident throughout the experience. However, when I was trying to focus on breathing in and out for long periods of time, I found myself getting really frustrated that I couldn't count up as high as I could when I had been practicing (I would try to count up and down from twenty). So eventually I gave up on that and started saying the "so-ham" mantra from yoga instead, which consisted of me uttering "so-o-o-o" while inhaling and "ha-a-a-am" while exhaling. This helped me to give undivided concentration for deep and quiet breathing, and helped me to remain much more relaxed.

For lunch Robbie and I ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with grapes and cheese crackers and we watched an episode of friends (The one where Rachel is late). I thought I would be able to relate since I was also almost two weeks after my due date, and it was good to be laughing. However, we did have to pause the show whenever I was having contractions, otherwise I wasn't able to relax very well and it would hurt really bad. By the end of the show I was starting to get really uncomfortable. The contractions made me have to go to the bathroom all the time, and the constant wiping and pressure from contractions led to me getting a hemorrhoid. I had never had one before and it wasn't very pleasant as it made the rest of labor and birth even more uncomfortable. I'm sorry if this may seem like too much information, but it happens very commonly during labor and really plays a huge role in your comfort level throughout. By 4:00 pm, my contractions were strong lasting 1-2 minutes and occurring every 3-4 minutes. At that point I had brought my bolster onto our bed against the wall and was focusing on relaxing. As part of practicing for Hypnobirthing, I had been listening to affirmations for a smooth and easy birth, and Robbie turned those on for me to help me stay focused. Listening to the birth affirmations really helped me regather myself and feel prepared for the big job ahead of me. After a little while, I started to get hungry again so Robbie ordered a pizza for us. I slowly nibbled on a piece for about an hour. At 5:30, the contractions were still 3-4 minutes apart so we decided to call up Back Cove Midwives. Jen was on call and she asked us a bunch of questions about how I was feeling. She told us to come into the birthplace when we couldn't stand to be home any longer. I thought that was silly since I was very comfortable at home and would probably be happy never leaving. But I decided that being in the car was probably going to be uncomfortable and if I waited much longer I would have to deal with several contractions on the way over rather than one or two. So we decided to head over to the birthplace to get checked.

Sitting in Baddha Konasana while in active labor at home

The car ride over thankfully was short; only about ten minutes long.  We listened to the birth affirmations on the way over. There was quite a bit of traffic on Commercial Street which made me cranky, but fortunately I only had one contraction on the way over. That contraction however was extremely unpleasant, and I had a hard time relaxing and keeping my cool. I was glad the next one came when I was getting out of the car and I could stand up and just rock my hips and feel calm and not in pain. To get checked to see if I was actually in labor and ready to be admitted, we went to triage first. There I knew that I would not be able to deal with the contractions lying on my back for 20-30 minutes, so they allowed me to put my bolster on the bed with the back of the bed raised vertically for me to rest my back against. I then sat in Baddha Konasana whicle I was strapped to some monitors around my middle that measured my contractions and Meo's heart rate. Everything looked good: my contractions were close together and Meo's heart sounded as strong as a horse's. The nurses were impressed by how calm I was through the contractions, saying that the only way they could tell it was really intense was that I couldn't talk to them and had to shut my eyes. Jen, my midwife, wanted to check me to see how far along I was to make sure it made sense to send me to a room. I was nervous because I knew that getting checked hurt, that it would hurt even more if I was having a contraction at the time, and I was worried that I would only be a couple centimeters dilated and have to be sent home. They waited until after a contraction was over and then checked me to find that I was already 6-7 centimeters dilated. Yay! I got to go to my room.

They were going to put us in a room with a water view but the birth place was really busy that night. My midwife Jen had already birthed one baby that evening and was on her way to deliver another one after checking on me. My nurse for labor and delivery was Carey and she was really great! She showed us around the room and helped me to get comfortable. I set my bolster up against a wall and sat in Baddaha Konasana. We had told my parents that we were going in to get checked and that they needn't come in to Portland until we knew the results of the exam.  However they were very eager and they were already there before we were even done getting checked. So my mom, my dad, and my step-mom came into the room to see how I was doing. It was nice to see them and they were good about quietly watching while I focused on my contractions. At one point my dad offered to let me play his PSP, which I laughed at and said "no, thank you."  My step-mom made him put it away. Eventually I got up and found it comfortable to work through the contractions by leaning against Robbie and slow dancing.  Eventually I decided I wanted to try a shower for the pain.  We sent out parents out of the room so we could be alone.

Robbie helping me get more space during an intense contraction

Robbie helping me relax during a contraction

Sitting in Malasana through a contraction

Sitting in Upavishtha Konasana through a contraction

Keeping my face relaxed during contractions

My moms visiting while I was in labor

The shower felt really nice and I stayed in there for quite some time, enjoying the feel of warm water against my stomach and back.  Robbie was in his swim trunks as I leaned up against him and let the water drip on my head. Eventually I decided that I wanted to get out and do something more restful.  By that time it was getting pretty late and I was starting to get really tired.  The contractions were really close together, about a minute apart, and really intense.  Both Carey and Jen were in the room at this point and kept encouraging me to try different positions.  I was feeling a lot of discomfort and nothing I did nor any position I took changed that.  Since I was tired they suggested I try lying down on my side.  That was agonizing.  After one contraction I begged to do something else.  From that point on I tried my hand and knees, sitting on a birth ball, leaned against the bed, stood up holding on to Robbie, and then I tried the tub.

I thought the tub would be comfortable, but I found with each contraction that I would get extremely hot and be really uncomfortable. I had a hard time moving around and getting out of the tub, so I knelt half out of the tub while they dripped ice water down my back, gave me cool wash cloths, and pointed fans at me. I was slowly working up enough strength and will to get out of the tub. All the while Carey pushed a Doppler up against my belly to make sure Meo maintained a strong heartbeat.

After the tub I was even more tired and each contraction was extremely painful. I was starting to feel like I wanted to push, but not very strongly. They suggested I labor over a toilet for a little while, which I did but eventually that was very uncomfortable. I ended up on my hands and knees on the bathroom floor with my head lying on a stool.  I was starting to get the urge to push strongly now.

They really wanted to do an exam on me to make sure I was progressing, I thought they were crazy!  I was in so much pain at this point that I couldn't imagine Jen putting anything inside me. But somehow I ended up back on the hospital bed on my side, almost in tears, getting an exam.  I was fully dilated but with one little lip remaining. I asked if pushing was going to be easier than the transition period was.  Carey said that most women prefer it since they feel like that have something to do and that they are accomplishing something.  I found it was most comfortable to be on my hands and knees and would push myself down into child pose with each contraction.  The urge to push was overwhelming and I couldn't believe how strongly my muscles worked to push the baby down. I honestly don't know how I could push so hard.

It was 2 o'clock in the morning when I started pushing. For some reason I thought it would only take a few pushed and I would be holding my little Meo in my arms.  The midwife and nurse gave me lots of encouragement.  They said they could see the baby's head and that I was a really strong pusher every time I pushed.  Carey repeatably yelled with excitement, "That's how you push that baby out!" After each time they encouraged me I would ask how much of the head was out.  I hadn't realized that his head was start getting pushed out and then recede each time.  After each really big push I would try to keep flexing my muscles there to keep the baby from going back in.  All the while the nurse was pushing the Doppler device against my abdomen, which was uncomfortable and agitated me.  It was necessary of course.  Meo's heart rate was starting to drop during my contractions.  Jen said that she knew I wanted to use Hypnobirthing and relax and breathe the baby down but that it was really appropriate anymore because the baby was really big, my hips were small, and he was getting squished, making it hard for him.  She told me to go with my instincts to push hard and that I would get him out sooner. Once again I found myself traveling around the room pushing in various positions.

I tried sitting on a birthing stool for a while. We tried going in the shower again, where Robbie sung me a lullaby and I was able to relax a little.  I spent most of my time on my hands and knees, either on the floor or on the bed.  My hands were shaking from holding myself up so much.  I grew more and more exhausted with each contraction. I was having a hard time to relax but I tried really hard to keep my muscles free from tension.

I tried to trust my body to be able to do the job that needed to be done. In order to really let go and let the animal in me take over I found that chanting a single sustained sound through each push helped me to focus and let go. I was hungry, thirsty and tired, but I didn't feel like eating and I forced myself to take sips of water between pushes. Since the baby's heart rate was dropping they also had me taking in breaths from an oxygen mask between pushes.

Through all the pushing my water had broke, so everywhere I went I left pools of amniotic fluid and blood.  At one point I was pushing really hard and felt this big sphere push through.  I thought for sure it must be the baby's head and was disappointed when a huge splash hit the floor, leaving me kneeling in a huge puddle of my water. The nurses knew that I favored pushing from my hands and knees, but they said that they tended to see more progress when I was in a position that made me uncomfortable: on my side.  They urged me to get onto the bed and push from my side again.  I did a couple of pushes this way but found the pain so intense that I was screaming and felt like I was going to die.

Knowing the answer already, I asked if it was too late for medication.  They didn't really answer me, and I didn't really want it but I felt the need to ask. I begged to go back into the tub, hoping that the water would bring me some relief.  They told me that they were worried that it would slow things down and the baby really needed to get out, but I said that I felt like I wasn't going to be able to go on and that I need some comfort so I wouldn't just give up and die. So they let me go in the tub but it didn't help at all.  The contractions were still just as intense so I got out as soon as I could and went back to my comfort position, on my hands and knees with my head resting on Robbie's shoulder. I was worried that I would be too loud with my head next to his ear.  He said he didn't like his ears anyway.  During the next contraction I screamed at the top of my lungs which he found quite shocking. At some point I also tried to bite Robbie's shoulder.  He yelled out, "Don't bite me!" which snapped me out of it and made me realize what I was doing.  I really did feel like an animal.

With each push they continued to tell me that I was doing a really good job and I had really strong pushes, but I was starting to get frustrated that I wasn't making and progress at all.  They assured me that one of these times his head woudn't go back in and that more and more was showing each time. Robbie agreed with them and I was surprised that he could see his head.  I thought he was still deep inside but he said he could see Meo's head.  Jen told me the next time I pushed I could reach down a feel it. So, the next time I put my fingers there and I felt his furry little head which was amazing and gave me a little more strength to keep going.

They convinced me to get back on my side and it was there that I finally pushed hard enough that his head stopped receding. It wasn't much longer until I pushed his head completely out, which felt like a huge relief.  I remembered from the baby books that getting the head out was the hard part and was excited that my baby was going to be in my arms shortly.  In a few more pushes I felt his shoulders slip through me and then the rest of him with one last big push. At 4:16 am Jen said, "Grab your baby!" and flopped him onto my belly like a big wet fish. I couldn't believe how huge and long he was. His eyes were wide open and he looked right at me.

I cried.

I was shocked to see how alert he was and how perfect he seemed.  I clung to him as he lay on my chest while the nurse and midwife rubbed his back vigorously, trying to get him to breathe and make his first scream. Despite having all of the fluid squeezed out of him during labor he had manager to take in a big gulp of mucus on the way out. So they quickly clamped the cord and in sleep deprived fog Robbie severed the last remaining physical bond between me and my baby. They whisked him away to a nearby warming table to suction the mucus out of his lungs and get him to cry.  I missed him immediately and even though he was only gone for five minutes I asked about ten times where my baby was and why it was taking so long.  Thankfully I heard the sweet sound of his cry and they gave him back to me, slimy, perfect, and new.

Mattimeo looked at me with beautiful blue eyes wide open as he lay with his bare skin against my bare skin. They draped a blanket over the two of us to keep him warm, and I guided him towards my breast to try to get him to nurse. Within ten minutes he had a perfect latch and was successfully nursing. The nurse said that we were made perfectly for each other. I was so happy, and it felt so wonderfully weird to have him suckling from my breast. He stayed there for an hour and a half, switching from one breast to another. Having such a successful first experience made me feel much more confident that I would be able to handle motherhood.

Our first moments together

First feeding

Meanwhile, the birthing experience was not quite over. I still needed to birth my placenta. Jen checked to make sure the placenta was unattached but gently tugging on the cord. She encouraged me to push a little to try to get it out. At that point, I had absolutely no desire to push anymore. I half heartily pushed once in a while. She offered to give me a shot of pitocin in my thigh to get some contractions going to help the process along. I said, "Ha, no way." Eventually my little pushes lead to me getting fed up with everyone fussing around me and I gave two big pushes and birthed my giant placenta. I asked to see it and was surprised by how utterly gigantic it was. I was also relieved that it was finally over. Oh, how I wish that it were. Jen still needed to check me for tears. My cervix was intact nicely, but unfortunately I managed to tear both sides of my labia. I was really surprised, I didn't even realize that could happen. She told me they don't normally have to stitch up those kinds of tears, but since there was one on both sides, she said that one side should be sewn closed so my labia didn't heal together. Supposedly she numbed the skin there, but I swear I felt every needle prick as she stitched me. I guess everything was just so sore and tender that even numbing it didn't make the pain non-existent. They told me just keep focusing on my beautiful baby, but it was hard! That whole area was swollen and extremely tender. Plus the nurse started massaging my uterus to help it to go back to its normal size, which hurt a lot. Eventually she showed me how to do it myself so that I didn't have to deal with people poking at me anymore. Then, finally, it was just me and my little family.

Around 5:30 am I decided it would be okay to let our family in to see him. I couldn't believe they stayed that whole time, they must have been exhausted! Robbie went out to tell them the good news. He said that his mom ran up to hug him and said, "Congratulations!" and hugged him. Then she looked at his face and said, "You've had a hard night haven't you", and that's when Robbie broke down and started crying. Poor Robbie, I can't imagine what he must have went through seeing me in so much pain and so exhausted. I'm not sure I would have been able to handle seeing him like that. But he was so calm and so strong the whole time, he was exactly what I needed him to be and I honestly believe I would not have been able to do it without him. Just knowing he was there, and hearing he words of encouragement, and having him remind me to relax, to breathe, to drink, and that the baby would actually be born at some point saved me. Robbie is my hero.

My mom, dad, step mom, sister, and Robbie's mom and dad all joined us in the room to meet the newest member of the family. It was such a precious moment, and I am glad they all stayed to see him. My sister held his little hand and he grabbed onto her finger. They all stayed for a while to admire him, and about 2.5 hours after his birth they asked if I wanted to weigh and measure him. I decided that we had plenty of skin-to-skin time and that going away for 2 minutes would be okay...plus I was curious! My mom picked him up and got to hold him for the first time as she carried him over to the scale. He weighed 9 pounds and measured 21.5 inches long! Not bad for a 5 foot tall vegetarian! No wonder my belly was so big! Mattimeo is perfect in every way. I must admit I was relieved when he came out to see that he was such a beautiful boy. He has lots of brown hair, which means that he is going to have nice thick hair like his daddy (I didn't have hair until I was over a year old!). He has huge feet with long monkey toes, which he got from me. He has cute lips with a dimple on his top lip. He started smiling the day he was born. He is so precious, and we already are overflowing with love for him.

Our first visitors; Sam holding his hand

Robbie with his dad

Robbie with his parents

Me and my parents looking at Meo

Me and my mom admiring Meo

Mom carrying Meo over to the scale

Meo getting weighed and measured by Carey

Meo getting weighed and measured

Robbie and Meo a while after he had his vitamin K gel

So there you have it! While I was trying to push the baby out, I remember thinking that Mattimeo might be our only child because there was no way in hell I would be able to go through that again. Now he is exactly one week old, and I have already warmed up to the idea of doing it all over again. Even if it hurt, and caused me more pain than I have ever felt in my entire life combined, I would do it all over again. I have never felt more accomplished in my whole life (even after completing college and graduate school I only felt a sliver as accomplished as I did after Mattimeo was born). Plus I had the most amazing pregnancy experience. I feel that even though I did feel a lot of pain in the end, that Hypnobirthing still did wonders for me. It kept me calm and without pain through early labor, active labor, and even part of transition. And even when I was having intense pain, it helped me to not fight it and just let my body do what needed to be done. It helped me to breath and stay focus between contractions and pushes, and gave me the strength to keep going. I am convinced that if I hadn't been so utterly exhausted and hungry that I might have been able to get through it with a lot less pain, and I am sure that there are plenty of people have successfully done so. I am really happy and proud of my birth experience. I am so glad that I didn't use any medication. Seeing him so alert with wide eyes looking at me, and being able to breastfeed so quickly made it all worthwhile. I will always treasure the experience of birthing my little creature, Mattimeo.

Our first night together (which started at 7 am and ended at 8:30 hehe)

Our first night together

First late night feeding is hard to do with glasses on!

Breakfast!

Meo and I

Mattimeo's monkey feet

Big Feet!

Meo did not like his first sponge bath

Meo's first sponge bath

Mattimeo

Mattimeo William Robinson

Meo

Meo

My beautiful boy

Robbie changing Meo's diaper

Our new family

Our new family

First Visitors:

Robbie's Uncle Bernard and Brittany

The Wendler family came from Connecticut

Robbie's Grandma and Grandpa Chuck came from Iowa

New Grandma

Robbie's sister Jess and our friends Gib and Tatyana

New Grandpa!

My brother Brian

The Robinson Family

My Grammy (going to be called GG for Great Grammy)

GG and Meo

New Grandpa

New Memere

New Grammy

My Aunt Darlene and cousin Jess

New Pepere

New Memere and Pepere

Auntie Jess