A lonesome day

A Lonesome Day

It's only been four months,

but I am beginning to fear

That the pressure of friend making is

making me feel queer.

I've been putting forth my best effort

Going to classes, groups and play dates.

Yet somehow I feel lonely;

Annoying; a burden; a weight.

I feel like I always have this problem.

That casual friends is never enough.

I crave people I can talk to regularly.

To hang out with, even if its just to read and stuff.

I am thankful that I have been making at least one good friend.

She's amazing and I hope our sons will be great pals

I am thankful for my husband and my family

who help me paddle down this meandering canal.

I wish I could be patient.

Making close bonds takes time.

But why am I so scared I will fail

That poor little Meo and I will be left behind.

I can come up with lots of excuses

And perhaps some of them are legit.

Maybe the truth of the matter is

I still haven't quite found where I fit in just yet.

So I guess I will just keep being myself

To be nice and continue pursuing my dreams

And have faith that I have great friends out there

Even though on lonesome days it hard to believe.

Does any other new mom out there feel lonely from time to time? I have been fortunate to not feel lonely at all until last night. I saw some pictures of other moms and their babies all hanging out and I was sad I wasn't a part of it. Then the plans I had with a friend today fell through. Plus, living an hour away from Portland makes it tough just to hang out with people for a quick walk or coffee break; things like that. I am already starting feeling better though just writing down how I feel. Sometimes I feel better if I vent. I think perhaps its normal to feel lonely from time to time, especially when everything in your life has changed and everything is so new.

I look over my shoulder, and I see a happy baby just waking up from his morning nap. He is smiling and talking. He is so wonderful; honestly, it is pretty hard to feel lonely when I have him to hang out with all day!

Mattimeo to mommy's rescue!