But there are some differences for sure. I have got a couple more colds this time around, as opposed to last pregnancy where I only got sick once. This is mostly due to the fact that with my now-compromised immune system, I am more prone to catch Meo's colds. I am currently getting over a virus that gave Meo croup and has led to me being pretty run-down for a week.
Another difference is that this time when we did our sequential screening, which involves an ultrasound and two different blood tests, the results came back positive. It was actually a pretty horrible day when I found out the results as one of our family dogs, Socks, of almost 15 years passed away from bladder cancer quite suddenly. I was with my mom attempting to comfort her when I got a call saying that my sequential test came back positive indicating I was at a higher risk of carrying a baby with Down Syndrome. As you can imagine, I was feeling pretty depressed that day. They told me they like the "number" to be greater than 200, but mine was only 110. Which means that out of every 110 pregnancies, one of those will have a baby with Down Syndrome. This made my chances still less than 1%, but the fact that there was increased risk at all was troublesome. They moved our ultrasound a week or two earlier than it was originally scheduled to check things out. As you probably have already read, the results of our ultrasound were normal (read about it here: http://ouvrezvosyeuxjdr.blogspot.com/2013/06/second-ultrasound-and-gender-revealed.html); our baby boy appears to be perfectly healthy, proportional and "normal" in every way. These results decreased our risk that he had Down Syndrome, but there are still cases where normal ultrasounds result in babies with Down Syndrome. We were offered a couple different tests that could determine whether or not the baby had the normal number of chromosomes or not for sure (as Down Syndrome is a result of having an extra chromosome 21). One test is an invasive test called amniocentesis. With this test you get 100% accuracy as the sample is taken directly from the amniotic sac, but because it involves puncturing the sac with a needle there is a small risk of miscarriage (she said about 5%). The other test is a new test called Maternal 21. This is a non-invasive blood test that simply looks at the proportion of each chromosome in your blood stream. Because the normal life cycle of a cell is eventually to die, in a mothers blood contains both bits of her and babies chromosomes from the dead cells. By looking at the blood and counting the numbers of each of the chromosomes, lab technicians can tell if there is an abnormally high proportion of chromosome 21 which would indicate Down Syndrome. This test is about 98% accurate. We knew our chances were pretty low of our little love having the abnormality, but I knew that I would lay awake at night wondering if I didn't find out for sure, so we decided to take the Maternal 21 test. Well last week, as I was driving to my midwife appointment, I got a call saying that the test came back negative and our baby boy does not have Down Syndrome. We are so thankful; so relieved.
The other major difference is the high level of guilt I have been harboring. I know when I was pregnant with Meo, there were days when I worried I wouldn't be able to pay enough attention to our two cats. That level of guilt feels miniscule to what I am feeling now. Thoroughly into my second trimester, my breast milk is at a very low level, I get achy nursing on my side for long periods of time at night, and I can't jump or roll around on the floor and play quite like I used to. I feel more tired. What this means is that I have been having to limit poor Meo in ways I hoped I never would have to. For instance: it takes me a long time to eat when I have morning sickness in the morning, and Meo will finish breakfast well before me. He will then want me to get up and read books with him; he doesn't want to wait for an hour or so for me to take my time so I can bate my nausea and keep my food inside me. Sometimes I feel so bad saying, "wait a few more minutes" that I will try singing or reading to him and almost immediately have to run to the toilet. It sucks. But probably the most obvious way I've had to limit him is at night with breastfeeding. I always wanted the weaning process to be led primarily by him. However, pregnancy has other things in mind, which has led to me feeling quite guilty. Normally I nurse him to sleep every night. But now I run out of milk and after nursing on 3 or 4 different sides I am so uncomfortable lying on the floor with my belly pressed into the mattress that Robbie has to come in and take over. The good news is, Meo has adjusted well. Most nights hes satisfied with a quick nursing session, then will just lie in bed with Robbie singing himself to sleep. Before I was pregnant, Meo would sleep for 5 our 6 hours then want to come into our bed to nurse. For a while we continued with that routine, but with the lack of milk, he had trouble falling back asleep, and from 2 or 3 in the morning on, Meo and I were both restless and cranky. I would usually snap and have Robbie take him away to his room to fall back asleep, which he would do easily and stay in his room until 6 or 7. Well eventually he stopped waking up at night and now sleeps through the night. We leave his door open and he will come in around 6-6:30, climb up into bed and say "I need milk", and we will nurse and snuggle until it's time to get up or he starts saying "go downstairs, eat!".
From what you've just read you may be thinking, "well he's almost two, isn't it normal for him to be transitioning to less nursing anyways?". Well yes, that is probably true, but it's just been happening faster than either of us are comfortable with which has led to lots of setbacks. For one thing, he gets hungry all the time. Usually he would snack on milk throughout the day. Now he still nurses during the day, but it's for like 15 seconds and then he's ready for some real food because I don't have enough milk. So he has been wanting to eat almost constantly and we've been having trouble getting him to finish his meals and snack less. He has been frustrated a lot easier because he doesn't understand whats going on and its hard for him to keep up with all the changes both of our bodies and lives are going through. On the bright side, things are already starting to calm down and we seem to have re-found our daily rhythm and that feels great. I give him all I can offer of myself, but at the same time try to respect my body, my needs and my limits. In return, Meo has grown more patient; he has learned to wait and does not lose his temper so quickly anymore.
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| Mother and Baby Raccoon at our bird feeder |
So what does any of this have to do with a raccoon? Well for the past couple nights, Robbie and I have been rudely awakened by the loud grunting and shrieking of a raccoon. One night, I decided to go downstairs to see what the heck was going on. I risked turning on the porch light, and found a mother and baby raccoon feasting on seeds from our bird feeder. The mother was holding the feeder, and picking out food with her intelligent hands. Meanwhile, her youngster was climbing all over her, obviously hungry and impatient with waiting. Occasionally, the mother would get so irritated with her baby that she would growl and harmlessly snap at it so it would settle down and let her be. It was pretty amazing to watch them. I couldn't help but feel connected to that mother raccoon. Seeing her snarl at her baby, resurfaced all those times where Meo has been driving me crazy with his needs when I just need a little more space and I've metaphorically had to push him away. For all those times I've felt guilty for not being able to give him as much of myself as I once could, this raccoon mother reminded me that what I am feeling is completely normal and natural. That part of babies growing up successfully is learning about limits. I think about all this: the gradual weaning and the increased number of limits, and where I would normally feel an overwhelming flood of guilt, thanks to a raccoon, I now feel acceptance. When the second baby is born, Meo will have to share even more of my time. What a gift breastfeeding has given me to be able to gently set limits and introduce him to positive discipline gradually. Even though this process has seemed harsh and abrupt at times, the reality is that it is nothing compared to the change that an actual new family member will bring. What a blessing it is for us to have this period to adjust to the changes slowly, together. And so I thank that mama raccoon for helping me to see the truth of the situation: that it's okay to set limits, it's okay to feel frustrated sometimes, and change naturally comes with a little friction but shouldn't be riddled with guilt.
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