Letter of Hopes (and a reminder for my future self to read)

To my little Loves:

Mattimeo, my sweet, loving, goofy, clever, wonderful first born. With your baby brothers arrival any day now, I wanted to record some hopes I have for our relationship:

1. I hope that you will always know that I love you infinitely, and that my love impossibly grows everyday. My love for you will continue to grow forever, until I burst and then the universe will be consumed by it. I love you.
2. I hope to continue to be patient with you. I know you will have a hard time being patient with me sometimes as you are used to getting my attention almost always, and a newborn may change that quite a bit. But I hope that I can remain patient with you when you are feeling frustrated with me.
3. I hope to remain observant. Your development is incredible to behold and I am complete absorbed in observing how you grow and change everyday. I hope I always continue to notice and appreciate the little things.
4. I hope to maintain balance. Our home and lives are so peaceful and content right now. Of course we have our loud and goofy times more often than not, but the underlining feeling of our lives is peacefulness. I hope that we can maintain this balance with one more human in the family...that he can share this peace with us and we can avoid being consumed by feelings of stress, discontent, want, or desire. 
5. I hope that I find a way to make you feel included, and never feel like a burden to me. You are not a burden...you help me fly. I know I will need your help with baby Link!
6. I hope that you never feel truly lonely. That you at least always feel connected, important, needed, and loved by your family. I have been lonely and I don't ever want to be the cause of it for you.
7. I hope that you will never feel that your needs are second to any of our material wants. Stuff doesn't matter. And even though we will be the ones bringing in the income, I hope you never feel like we put our wants before what you need in life.
8. I hope that you will continue to feel happy, a sense of wonder and curiosity about the world, and remain gentle and kind of spirit. It's too easy to feel pessimistic and negative towards everything; look for the good in things or at least try to accept them for what they are.
9. I hope that we will remain as attached, if not more attached, than we are right now.
10. I hope that you will love your baby brother. That you will become the best of friends and love spending time together. I hope you share many wonderful adventures. I hope that you will respect each other. I hope that you will teach each other, and help each other grow.

Link, who I haven't met yet but already feel in love with, these are my hopes for your babyhood:

1. I hope that our attachment will be just as strong as the attachment I have with your brother.
2. I hope that your birth will be a wonderful experience, for both of us.
3. I hope that we have wonderful success with breastfeeding.
4. I hope that I am able to be just as observant and excited about your developmental progress and personality growth as I was with your brother.
5. I hope that you always feel as safe, loved, and cared for as you do in my womb. Maybe even more. 
6. I hope I am never am stuck in a situation where I am forced to let you cry without being comforted.
7. I hope that we are able to provide for you as many social and developmental opportunities that we provided for your brother, although I already acknowledge that they may be of a different sort.
8. I hope that I can remain patient and calm around you, no matter how overwhelmed I may be feeling. I know that having a baby is all-consuming, and that even though I will not have any time for myself for a while (just like it was with your brother), that I am able to embrace this part of our journey and not resent it or wish the fleeting time by.
9. I hope that I will trust my instincts and follow my heart with your care, and not be influenced by others judgement (yet be wise enough to know when to accept advice).
10. I hope that you will be happy and have fun as a loved member of our family. That you will love your big human brother and look up to him and share many wonderful adventures. That you will love your feline brothers and always be kind and gentle to them. That you will love your parents and reward us with your smiles and laughter.

People say when you have children, it will change you. Well that is putting it simply. While I still hold the same values, beliefs, morals, and passions that I did before I was a mom (although I certainly have a couple more now), its incredible how much my life has changed. And everyday I am so grateful for the important roles both of you play in my life. I have never felt so fullfilled in my life as I do right now; so much at peace wtih myself. You've helped me to be a better person and put me on the right path to finding that sense of inner peace that I've always needed.

This is a strange, wild, often harsh world that we've brought you into, yet I hope you both are able to thrive and find goodness and adventure in it as I have despite the hardship and sorrows you may face. The future of the human race needs good people, and I hope you will make a positive contribution to our impact on the world.

Thank you and I love you lots,

Mama